Monthly Archives: August 2013

15 weeks

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15 weeks

My son Zayd,

By this time you are getting chubbier by the day! You are drinking mommy’s milk like a trooper. You are a very expressive baby. You love to ‘talk’ with your whole face – eyebrow raised, mouth wide and smiley, sometimes even a scrunched up nose. You are also such a happy baby, always grinning and smiling when you see mommy and daddy. But if you are alone and idle, you always furrowed your eyebrow like you are in a deep thought. Are you already a deep thinker like mommy and daddy? 🙂 You like to observe your surrounding as if you are learning and taking everything in.

Alhamdulillah, up to now you’ve been protected by Allah from all sorts of sickness. Even when mommy is down with flu and fever – you are always your healthy little self. Mommy is so thankful to Allah for always protecting you 🙂

I love you my little baby. My mommy’s bestfriend 🙂

Children are our best teachers

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“So many times, children are our best teachers. I learn more from my children’s innocence, curiosity and determination than many other lectures & classes combined!”

– Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury

This is exactly how I felt sometimes when I am dealing with Zayd or my nieces and nephews. I have learnt so much from them and yet I keep forgetting those lessons. Hopefully by creating a new category – Lessons from the Little One – in this blog I would be able to record those lessons in one place for my benefit and others, insha Allah.

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My dear son, mommy and daddy love you very much – but Allah loves you more.

While we may do all that we can to be the best parent for you, there will be times when mommy and daddy will make mistake. Please forgive us dear son. For sometimes we might think that we do it out of love, and we get confused, as all human sometimes do – this is the time for you to remember that our love for you will never ever be the same as the love of our Creator for you.

So love Allah first.
Listen to Allah first.
Obey Allah first.

For that is how you will truly love us too.

Uhibbukafillah,
Mommy and Daddy.

My dear son, mu…

Breastfeeding – my reflection

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I had quite a tough time in the beginning stage of my breastfeeding journey. From being forced to give formula milk, to cracked nipples, to low supply, to engorgement, to fever due to engorgement, to nipple blisters, to nipple confusion – I experienced it all :p

I cried, and cried, and cried during these trying times but I never ever want to quit breastfeeding because of one reason – I hated formula milk and the formula milk companies with my whole being. As painful it was to have my nipple bled and cracked open, it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart when I had to feed him formula milk.

I was one of those ‘crunchy, earth-mother type’ mom – if you want to put label me – so it was really hard for me to accept the fact that I had to resort to formula milk to feed my baby. When I was pregnant, not once in my head I thought I would need to learn about types of formula milk or bottle feeding or even pumping as I thought I would just direct-latch my baby! I bought breastfeeding bras, and breastfeeding-friendly clothes, and breast pads only to be disappointed by the fact that I had to mix powdered milk with warm water into sterilised bottle during my baby’s feeding time.

Many times, in between my sobs while bottle-feeding my baby I asked my husband – what do you think is the ‘hikmah’/lessons behind this? Why do I still have to give my baby formula milk when I had tried so hard to breastfeed him?

What went wrong?

He tried his hardest to console me by giving me different views from; at least the baby is fed, and we are being a good responsible parent for we can’t possibly starve our baby!. But nothing really gave me a peace of mind.

At 12 weeks, finally, I am able to fully breastfeed my baby. The formula milk container is now sitting idle at the back of my shelf – as a reminder of how hard I worked and how far I have come to breastfeed my baby.

Looking back, I realised now that perhaps what went wrong was my intention.

Perhaps my initial intention of why I want to breastfeed is because I want people to think I am a good mom. Or perhaps because I want to live up to my own ideals. Or perhaps because I want to show contempt towards the formula milk companies. Or perhaps because I thought that I, me and only me could provide the best food for my baby through my breast milk.

Perhaps my decision to breastfeed was laced with ego, arrogance and hatred. And that is why I struggled so much.

I still have my reserve towards formula milk companies, and now that I have managed to fully-breastfeed my baby, I will not be feeding him formula milk again, but I knew that for some mothers, and some babies – perhaps this is their only solution.

I am also reminded that it’s not me who provide the best food for my baby – it’s Allah who did that – through my breast milk. I am merely a channel through which the milk flows.

I have to re-check and re-state my intention again. Why do I want to breastfeed my baby?

I want to breastfeed my baby to please Allah and to achieve His blessings. As mentioned in the Quran (2:233), I plan to breastfeed until my son is 2 years old. My hope and prayer is that Allah will make it easy on me to continue this journey. May Allah will grant me patience to persevere on present and future challenges, as how He has helped me persevere in the past. And May Allah always guide me towards the right intention and to accept all that I did, as an ‘ibadah’ for Him and only Him, ameen.

13 weeks young

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My dear boy,

It is 13 weeks today since you came into my life. And every blessed Friday I got to reminisce how beautiful your birth was, alhamdulillah.

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From before you were conceived, mommy hoped and prayed for a gentle and natural birth to welcome you into the world. A few months before you were in my womb, I had a vision while I was writing – that this is also what you want for yourself. Mommy took it as intuition and guidance from Allah.

You were such a great partner in this journey. From day 1, you have always been with me. You told me what food that is good to eat, and what food to avoid. You loved it when we walked in the park and that helped mommy became fit for natural birth. When you were in breech position and mommy tell you to turn while in polar bear position, you listened and obliged. When you were in posterior position and mommy keep squatting and doing hip spiral to make you turn facing back – once again you dutifully followed. You were such a great partner and made it easy for mommy. Thank you very much my darling son 🙂

My dear son,

You were so brave and so full of faith in your innate ability to journey out into this world. You knew when is the right time and the right place to be born and you helped mommy get ready for you.

Did you remember when mommy breathed you down? I hope my breathing and me being relaxed helped making your journey down the birth passage easier.

Did you remember when you first crowned and your head appeared? Your dad was the first person to see and touch you. It was mere seconds after your head was out that our body slides into daddy’s loving arm. Mommy remembers a rush of happiness flooded through my whole body. It was the highest peak of oxytocin and it made me giddy for the whole day!

Daddy passed you into my arm with your cord still attached. I cradled you into my arm – my baby, my fresh new baby – and repeatedly said ‘my baby, my baby’. It felt so natural, holding you in my arms – as if I have been doing it forever. And from the moment that I first hold you, I felt like I already knew you. You were so warm and sturdy and chubby. You were very calm and only cried a little as if saying yeay, I’m finally here.

We bonded, you me and daddy in this beautiful moment and it was all captured in photo by our doula too!

While we did our best to achieve gentle and natural birth for ourselves, do know that nothing can be achieved if it’s not in the will of Allah. So my dear Zayd, let us always praise and thank Allah for giving us this wonderful experience. Let us always be grateful to Him for all His protection, His guidance, His love and mercy on us.

Subhanallah walhamdulillah wa lailahaillah wallahuakbar.