Monthly Archives: June 2015

Cuddle buddy

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My handsome cuddle buddy!

Zayd now is completely weaned off the ‘nenen’. Alhamdulillah he is adjusting well (and mummy too, finally!)

Since he is no longer breastfeeding, he developed a new kind of bonding style with me. He became a sort of cuddle-monsters! He would climb all over me, and tumble and rumble, and snuggle and sniff – basically he would be all over me in order for him to get comfortable to sleep. This boy of mine gave the best cuddles ever!

It is really interesting to see how our relationship changed from one stage to another. Although at first I was quite sad that the breastfeeding stage is over, I am really loving this new cuddly-wuddly stage of him!

Faith and Birth

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A few months after I gave birth, and continuing up until now – the social media (my circle) has been bombarded by all manners of controversies surrounding home-birth issues. It was really tough seeing people accusing you of all sorts of negative things without even knowing you, or the reason why you do things. (I wrote at length about my own home-birth experience in this blog).

For myself, I was not dead-set for home-birth although I was leaning towards it. It helped that I had a supportive obgyn so I was ok with either hospital or home-birth. I had to really work on my control issues and alhamdulillah towards the end of the pregnancy I managed to let go of most of my issues and surrender. I made lots and lots of dua that Allah will gave the best for me and my baby, regardless of where I might gave birth. I went to the hospital on my estimated due date, thinking I might gave birth there – but it was written that I was to give birth at home.

A few months later, new studies keep coming up showing the importance of ‘seeding baby’s microbiome’ and ‘human microbiome’ became the hot-topic of discussion. These are a few links for reference:

1. Microbirth

2. The Human Microbiome: considerations for pregnancy, birth, and early mothering 

While I was preparing for my birth, I had no idea what all these means. And to be honest, I am still struggling to understand the whole subject properly – it being a new thing, coupled with me not having sufficient science background. But I am grateful to Allah that this knowledge is revealed in my lifetime so I get to learn and record it here. I am also grateful because now Zayd will know that while his birth might be surrounded in controversy, but there is always ‘khayr’ (goodness) in everything that Allah decrees.

I used to be quite active in the gentle-birth/natural-birth movement in the early months after Zayd was born, but I have been slowly but surely distancing myself from all the controversies because I realised it was not good for  my mothering. I used to get really caught up with the issue and became really sad and angry. So, I decided the best thing for me to do for now is to lay low and just be with my baby. Alhamdulillah, it was a good decision as my mind became clearer, and my heart became lighter too.

I learnt that you cannot change people’s mind if they themselves are unwilling to open their mind. Like the saying, ‘you can bring the horse to the water, but you cannot make it drink it’. I also learnt that there are things in life that will be revealed in due time. Human beings are so limited in our understanding of everything. Every piece of knowledge that we have came from Allah and only Allah will reveal them to whom He wants. I also learnt that while most people have knowledge, only a handful of people were gifted with wisdom – and it is ok. It is just the way it is.

As for me, I am going to continue doing the only thing that I do know that works, and works well everytime – that is to continue making dua to Allah to always guide me to what is best for me and my family, here and Hereafter. I also pray that Allah will strengthen my faith in Him and His decision eventhough it was the difficult and unpopular decision at the time.

Weaning woe

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Ah, it’s that time. The dreaded capital W. Weaning off time. It was a challenging past 2 weeks with Zayd throwing tantrum and negotiating around the clock wanting his ‘nenen nenen nene’n. It drove me crazy. I thought it was hard – but now that he is starting to accept the reality of the weaning off – it’s my turn to go ‘please nenen nenen nenen back to me” *cries a river

Today I finally get what all the other breastfeeding mothers before me had been saying. How hard it is for them to let go. I thought it was hard because the baby wouldn’t let go, but now I knew it was harder for the mom.

As I whispered “I am so proud of you” again and again in my boy’s ears as he sobbed himself to sleep – I felt tears came streaming down my face like how it once was during the early days of breastfeeding him.

The memory of how I hand-expressed around the clock in the hospital when he was hospitalised for jaundice because I don’t know how to use breastpump (and didn’t even have one).

The memory of how my nipple cracked and bleed and blistered and cracked again for weeks before it managed to toughen itself to accomodate my gregarious little boy.

The memory of going to lactation consultants after lactation consultants to learn proper latching techniques, the countless youtube videos, the endless brestfeeding tips, and constant questionings to other breastfeeding mothers.

And then finally, the feeling of joy and accomplishment when I managed to exclusively breastfeed him when he was 12 weeks.

The feeling of utter bliss watching him asleep at my chest – his tummy full of my milk, his heart full of my love.

The feeling of him relaxing in my arms once his mouth made contact with his precious ‘nenen’ – the magical cure of all tantrums and accidents.

The amazing feeling of breastfeeding in slings and wraps – feeding while snuggling!

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for granting me the ability to breastfeed him until he is 2. It was one of Your greatest gift for me and I am so so thankful. Please accept my ‘amal’ of breastfeeding him for Your sake and please forgive any of my shortcoming for the past 2 years of breastfeeding him. Ameen.

(wow I felt a deeper sense of letting go after I wrote the dua above, which is unplanned, as most of my writing is. I would recommend it to any mothers struggling with ‘letting-go’ issue of breastfeeding)

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One of the last few pics of  our breastfeeding. Breastfeeding him at 23 months during toilet-break on our trip to Cherating (argh feeling nostalgic all over again *cries)