Ah, it’s that time. The dreaded capital W. Weaning off time. It was a challenging past 2 weeks with Zayd throwing tantrum and negotiating around the clock wanting his ‘nenen nenen nene’n. It drove me crazy. I thought it was hard – but now that he is starting to accept the reality of the weaning off – it’s my turn to go ‘please nenen nenen nenen back to me” *cries a river
Today I finally get what all the other breastfeeding mothers before me had been saying. How hard it is for them to let go. I thought it was hard because the baby wouldn’t let go, but now I knew it was harder for the mom.
As I whispered “I am so proud of you” again and again in my boy’s ears as he sobbed himself to sleep – I felt tears came streaming down my face like how it once was during the early days of breastfeeding him.
The memory of how I hand-expressed around the clock in the hospital when he was hospitalised for jaundice because I don’t know how to use breastpump (and didn’t even have one).
The memory of how my nipple cracked and bleed and blistered and cracked again for weeks before it managed to toughen itself to accomodate my gregarious little boy.
The memory of going to lactation consultants after lactation consultants to learn proper latching techniques, the countless youtube videos, the endless brestfeeding tips, and constant questionings to other breastfeeding mothers.
And then finally, the feeling of joy and accomplishment when I managed to exclusively breastfeed him when he was 12 weeks.
The feeling of utter bliss watching him asleep at my chest – his tummy full of my milk, his heart full of my love.
The feeling of him relaxing in my arms once his mouth made contact with his precious ‘nenen’ – the magical cure of all tantrums and accidents.
The amazing feeling of breastfeeding in slings and wraps – feeding while snuggling!
Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for granting me the ability to breastfeed him until he is 2. It was one of Your greatest gift for me and I am so so thankful. Please accept my ‘amal’ of breastfeeding him for Your sake and please forgive any of my shortcoming for the past 2 years of breastfeeding him. Ameen.
(wow I felt a deeper sense of letting go after I wrote the dua above, which is unplanned, as most of my writing is. I would recommend it to any mothers struggling with ‘letting-go’ issue of breastfeeding)
One of the last few pics of our breastfeeding. Breastfeeding him at 23 months during toilet-break on our trip to Cherating (argh feeling nostalgic all over again *cries)