Monthly Archives: August 2015

mummy, mummy all day long

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Zayd now at this phase where he goes ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ and ‘mummy, mummy look at this’ demanding my attention 24/7.

Every time he said this I am reminded of my own feeling a few years ago that I have never told anyone.

A few years ago, before I had him, I am the designated babysitter for my nieces. I enjoyed spending time with them and taking care of them when their parent’s are away at work. We had a great time playing and learning all day long and it was something I always cherished. However, when their parents’ came back home – they will be all ‘mama, mama, mama’ to their mothers. And every time, it felt like a little piece of my heart was torn.

It made me realise that no matter how much I love and care for my nieces – I will never be able to hear them call me that. And it hurts every time especially when we were having such a hard time ‘ttc’. I will just swallow the big lump forming in my throat and hope nobody will notice what I was feeling. When it gets too much, I normally cried in the car with my hubby – the only person I normally let to see my emotion.

I made dua constantly that one day, I will be able to hear my own child call me that. And alhamdulillah, by the generosity and ‘rahmah’ of Allah – now those words are what I heard everyday 🙂

2 year old’s emotion

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I think the theme with Zayd these past few days is in managing his emotion.

Last weekend, at his ayahtok and mamatok’s house he was enjoying himself too much watching one Youtube videos after another. So I asked him to watch one more and we have to stop because it was Maghrib time.

He said yes, but when I wanted to switch off the tv he started screaming at me. And I mean really scream in anger.

Again, at that point, I just decided to just let him express his emotion while verbalising it to him.

“Zayd marah kat mummy ye”

“Ya!” *screaaaaaammmmm*

“Dah habis dah marah?”

“No!” *screaaaaammm*

“Dah habis marah mummy come hug mummy ok”

“No!” *screaaaammmmmm*

And after a while he gets tired and wander off to his ayahtok. So, I picked him up and we went into our room to prepare for Maghrib prayer. And I asked him again,

“Zayd marah mummy lagi tak?”

“Tak dah..” *smiles*

“Boleh hug mummy tak?”

“Boleh..” and he gave me the biggest hugs ever!

I learnt something important here – that I need to let him know that it is ok for him to express his emotions. That he is safe to feel whatever he is feeling with me. It’s my job to guide him in understanding his emotion, the correct way to express and manage it.

I am grateful for this opportunity to keep on learning and growing with him Alhamdulillah 🙂

Calming the tantrum

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I wanted to write about this particular experience that I had with calming Zayd’s tantrum recently. He was having an epic tantrum as he usually had when he woke up after Asr’ or near Maghrib. When he is in this mood, every little things can set him off. And normally, by the end of the day – I too have lost most of my energy and became impatient with him. But that day I decided to do things differently.

I watched as his little body shook and tremble with his tantrum. I realised that he is not in control of himself and he might actually be afraid of the intensity of his emotion. So instead of normally getting impatient and asking him to stop – I just sit down and be there for him while verbalising what I thought is happening to him.

“Zayd can’t stop crying is it..”

“You want to stop but you can’t..”

“I know it’s hard sometimes to stop crying when we are in the middle of it..”

And I picked him up and do the distraction technique by trying to count how many taxi are zooming by in front of the house. We managed to count until 10 and he seems to calm down after a bit.

And then I want to do the normal thing I did which is to ask him to take his bath, but he refused and he started to cry again. At this point, normally I will be impatient again. But that day I decided to just sit and be with him. So I said, “Ok Zayd, just sit down calmly with mummy first and when you are ready you can tell mummy when you are ready to mandi”

He calmed down again, and nodded quietly while hugging me.

After a while, I can sense that he became calmer and he said ‘Ok, mummy Zayd dah ready nak mandi”

And his mood completely changed and he became so much happier and calmer.

It made me realised that sometimes all it takes is for me to be a little bit more patient, understanding and empathetic with him. I realised his emotions are getting stronger as he grow up and I am sure sometimes it’s hard for him to control it. Even us as adults had trouble controlling our emotion sometimes, and we had years and years of practice! I realised in his toddler years I need to be more of a guidance and mentor to him in learning and managing his emotions. I need also to let him know that it is safe for him to express his emotions with me.

I also learnt that sometimes we parents forget that as little as they are – they are a person and they had their own wishes and wants. And when we honour and acknowledge that they became more secure in their relationship with us.

I am grateful for this learning experience that Allah gave me. My years with Zayd is getting more and more interesting! 🙂