Zayd now at this phase where he goes ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ and ‘mummy, mummy look at this’ demanding my attention 24/7.
Every time he said this I am reminded of my own feeling a few years ago that I have never told anyone.
A few years ago, before I had him, I am the designated babysitter for my nieces. I enjoyed spending time with them and taking care of them when their parent’s are away at work. We had a great time playing and learning all day long and it was something I always cherished. However, when their parents’ came back home – they will be all ‘mama, mama, mama’ to their mothers. And every time, it felt like a little piece of my heart was torn.
It made me realise that no matter how much I love and care for my nieces – I will never be able to hear them call me that. And it hurts every time especially when we were having such a hard time ‘ttc’. I will just swallow the big lump forming in my throat and hope nobody will notice what I was feeling. When it gets too much, I normally cried in the car with my hubby – the only person I normally let to see my emotion.
I made dua constantly that one day, I will be able to hear my own child call me that. And alhamdulillah, by the generosity and ‘rahmah’ of Allah – now those words are what I heard everyday 🙂