Monthly Archives: February 2016

Student Mummy

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It’s 5.30 in the morning. In a few hours will be my first class of the year. Yes, my dear. Now mummy is a student, again. I don’t know why this feels a bit..significant since I am used to going to weekend classes all the time. So, this won’t be that much different. But I suppose there’s a difference between learning every other weekend, as and when the mood strikes you and if the situation permits – compared to a dedicated committed learning for 3 years, attached to one university!

*ok inhale..exhale..inhale..exhale*

So, hello to the new side of mummy. Yes, I might have a *slight* apprehension towards long-time commitment. ehem. (and yes, 3 years is long in my vocabulary)

But my darling son, I want you to know that this year, as part of mummy’s life-long learning and dedication towards self-growth, I decide to embrace ‘the hard things’ with the mantra – WE CAN DO HARD THINGS. Your ‘hard things’ might be different than mummy’s (and you will figure this out when you grow up).

So sometimes, we might hold on to our ‘hard things’ for far too long. And sometimes, we don’t even realise what our ‘hard things’ are. In my definition, ‘hard things’ are the things that we felt innately very difficult, but are the things that needed to be overcome in order for us to grow into a better person everyday.

We all have this in us, one way or another. And Allah puts this in each one of us to test us. And by struggling (jihad) and persevering with patience, we will achieve His reward and ultimately becomes successful.

Mummy’s journey towards becoming a student again is not an easy one. Laced with many challenges and disappointments – as most ‘hard things’ in life do. But I kept making dua and kept persevering because I knew that if Allah wills it, and there’s nothing that can stand in the way.

But in order to get to this stage, I need to do lots of internal reflection and correction. Especially on my intention. Why did I want to become a student again? And I have to keep asking this questions to myself until I cleared all the junks that is accumulated in my heart. So today, I would like to state my intention here as a reminder to myself, and as a way for you to know about it in the future 🙂

Mummy’s intention in becoming a student of knowledge again:

  1. To earn the pleasure of Allah.

Allah loves those who seeks knowledge for the sake of Him. And I would love to be amongst those that Allah loves.

  1. To learn how to write and tell stories better.

I have always loved writing and I always have so many things that I want to write about. I hope by equipping myself with more knowledge I can do this better insha Allah.

  1. To work in contributing to the beneficial knowledge as a means of my everlasting ‘amal’

When a person dies, only 3 things will accompany him/her into the next life (ie one’s everlasting ‘amal’). There are: 1) ongoing charity 2) beneficial knowledge that is taught/passed on 3) the dua of a righteous offspring. So, this is a part of my ‘retirement planning’ and as you can see, another one being you yourself, my righteous child 🙂

So, there you have it. And In the name of Allah, Most Loving, Most Merciful – I start my new journey 🙂

 

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Allah ada

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Now Zayd is able to express more of his feelings. Whether he is scared or upset or angry. And usually he will get scared during the rain when there’s thunder.

So, our conversation during that normally goes like this:

Zayd: Mummy Zayd takut. Ada thunder. (run and hides in my clothes)

Mummy: Zayd takut yea. It’s ok to be scared, sometimes kalau ada thunder kuat sangat mummy pun takut. Tapi kita boleh dua. Allah ada. Allah jaga kita.

Zayd: Tapi Zayd takuuuttt.

Mummy: Takpe, Allah ada.

I didn’t realise how many times I said that until one day I realised he said it to himself. It was a raining in his grandparent’s house and he was in the room and he heard the thunder. Automatically he said to himself  -“takpe, Allah ada..”

That was a really wonderful mothering moment to me. I really hope he will be able to internalise it and really hold on to this words. I really do belief that the best gift any parent could give to their child is this – the ability to connect with Allah anytime, anyday, in any situation.

One of the early thing that made me realised this is a very sad video about a Palestinian child stuck under the rubble after an attack. In the video, instead of crying fer her/his mummy, the child called ‘Allah..Allah..’. And his/her mother is nowhere in sight. It made me ask the question – what did this child’s mother/caretaker did to make this child so connected to Allah, that in this time of grave suffering he/she only calls to Allah?

Then it made me realised, I could be gone any second. One day I could be his mother, and the next I could be called to my Creator. And if I made me, the source of his comfort, his only place that he go to when he is scared – I would be doing a great disservice to him when I am no longer around.

So, I hope by my instilling in him everyday, by words and by action – he will understand that truly, the only source of protection, comfort, love, safety – can only come from Allah.

Mummy, daddy, and everybody else in this world will be gone one day. But Allah, will always be there for you. You only need to call him and He will answer.

Sebab, Allah Ada. Allah sentiasa Ada.

 

 

You are the proof

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20150924_114116“You are the proof that our dua is always answered”

It was normal ordinary stay-at-home-mum morning. I was washing the dishes in the sink when my boy came and hug my legs from behind. “Mummmmmyyy” he purred as always before going back to whatever he was doing in the living room.

And at that moment, a realisation hit me. I have visualised this scene years ago. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for the exact moment years before Zayd came into my life.

My first pregnancy was in 2010. It ended in a miscarriage at the 8th week gestation. It was a really anticipated pregnancy and the lost was devastating to say the least. I spent the whole 2011 either crying or praying or both.

But one memory became clear to me on the morning when I did my dishes. Sometime in 2011, I visualised that I had a child, a boy in fact, and he came running to me while I was in the kitchen. And alhamdulillah, only by the Will of Allah – in 2016, the vision that I saw 5 years ago came to reality.

Zayd, my darling – you are the proof that dua is always answered. Sooner or later, in forms that we understand or we didn’t understand – our dua is always answered because that is the promise of Allah. (2:186).

Alhamdulillah, every time I look at you and I kiss your cheek, I am reminded that our dua is always answered. 🙂