Listen. Really listen Mummy! (reminder to self on the day I felt like the worst mom in the world *criessss*)


This morning I was a monster mummy for sure! I screamed bloody murder and was very impatient with Zayd. And the sweet boy that he is always ready to forgive me when I said sorry. I spent some time after that to reflect one what was happening and why I was unleashing this really ugly part of myself on him and this is what I learnt.

I was changing the sheets and was very excited about it (because I am a clean freak and loves all things neat and tidy), when Zayd popped his head out from the bathroom (he was having his morning shower) saw me changing the sheets and scream “I don’t want fresh sheet day!”. At first I ignored him. But he continued his whining and nagging and it got the best of me.

I snapped and get really angry at him. I forced him to quickly brush his teeth and impatiently made him finish his showers – basically being a top grumpy mother! And he cried of course, probably not understanding why I am angry at him just because of him expressing his dislike for fresh sheet day.

Ok, let’s backtrack. He, like me and his dad – likes things clean too. He used to love ‘fresh sheet’ day and loves helping me and his dad doing the changing of the sheets. So, I don’t understand why he was behaving like he was today.

But, one thing I realised (after introspection), is that I am actually angry at the assumption I arrived at because of his whining. When he complained I don’t like ‘fresh sheet’ day – what I heard was that ‘I don’t like what mummy is doing. I don’t appreciate mummy wanting to clean stuff for me.”. It’s stupid I know. But I took his simple complain and turned it into a melodrama in my head, spurred by my own personal issue.

After I calmed down, I called him back gently to me and asked him again why he didn’t like the ‘fresh sheet day’. He said because he liked the sheet he had. He doesn’t like the new sheet. He doesn’t want me to change the things that he like.

I realised that as he is growing up, his preference and personality is becoming firmer and stronger. He had definite ideas of what he likes and what he didn’t like. Of course, sometimes it will go against common hygiene practise like changing the sheets – but 3 years old don’t understand that yet. So, it’s my job as mom to get out of my head and don’t let my own personal issue interfere with my mothering.

What I need to do was to calm myself down. Be present. And listen, really listen to what he was expressing. He didn’t do that just to annoy me. He had real legit reason (in his 3 years old head) – and it is my job to get to the bottom of it.

I felt really bad today and I still do even as I am writing this. 😦

Ya Allah, please help me in  controlling my anger. Please release me from the burden of old emotional issues. Please help me to always listen and be present with my child. Please forgive my terrible mothering today and other days too – and guide me to always be better mother, better daughter, better wife, better Muslim every day in every way ameen.


Hari Raya 2016



Our theme is purple this year. You originally wanted blue, but we could not find a suitable blue ‘baju melayu’ so for the first Raya we chose purple and we got blue for your casual Raya wear on the 2nd day.

You are starting to get the idea of what a ‘Hari Raya’ is. You looked forward for the ‘ziarah’ and are so excited to receive many many raya packets. You still do not know what is in the Raya packet and I am just so happy for that 😀

Your favourite Raya delicacies is the ‘ketupat palas’ (the triangle ketupat), and ‘london almond’ biscuit. Well, you basically eat everything but those 2 seems to be your favourite this year.

You had your first playing ‘bunga api’ experience at your Ayahtok’s house. You don’t seem to be too excited about it. Hmmm. Maybe because you are a cautious boy, or maybe simple the idea of a ‘bunga api’ does not appeal to you yet.

Alhamdulillah for a wonderful Raya celebration and may Allah bless us with many many more Raya celebration together, in health and Imaan. Ameen.

“Allah gives me superpower!”


Zayd is in this phase of wanting to be superheroes and having superpowers. He was not really exposed to the Superman/Batman/Spiderman yet because hmm..well, his mummy is not really into Superheroes? ehehe So he picked this up from random Youtube videos, and cartoons that he watched with his cousins.

After shower one day (we normally have this mother-son conversation after shower because this is when he is not yet super-active running around here and there and a bit more focused and attentive to what I had to say), he was telling me about his superpower.

Zayd: Mummy, I have superpower! I am super strong! I am super man!

Mummy: Who give you superpower?

Zayd: I don’t know..

Mummy: Allah gives you superpower! (and suddenly I was inspired by an idea to make this “Allah gives me superpower” a thing ehehe)

Zayd, do you know when you are fighting bad guy and you need superpower, all you need to do is raise your hand like this, like you are making dua and say  -“Allah gives me superpowerrrr!” (in a really exaggerated comic voice and gestures) And Allah will give you all the super power you want!

Zayd: Really? “Allah give me super powerrr!” “Allah gives me super powerrr!” (in cute exaggerated comic gesture, repeat 100 times ehehe)

After that conversation, sometimes when he was in his imaginary fighting bad-guy mode he will go “Allah gives me superpowerrrr”. And I will always smile.

My dear boy, may you grow up knowing that all the super power you need in life comes only from Allah. And all you ever need to do is call out to Him in your dua and Allah will always always listen and gives you super power 🙂


Storytelling 3 year old


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Zayd loves telling stories now!

Whenever I put him to sleep, he normally loves to hear me tell stories. What he will do is he will pick a character – that usually involves some sort of a vehicle and an animal.

Like this:

lorry, car, elephant, and cat

frog, towtruck, and monster truck

and sometimes

lorry, car, fire engine, helicopter, truck

and sometimes the character gets so long and complicated that it was impossible to fit them all in one story, so I leave them out. The funny thing is he always remember and will ask – ‘mana lorry?’, ”mana truck?’ahaha.

Anyway, I guess he picked up my style of story telling and the other day he asked me ‘Mummy do you want to  hear my story?’

So I said ok..this was new..

Then he started telling me stories about how he went to ‘work’ (something he picks up from his father) and heard a sound (insert monkey sound). What is it mummy? it..a monkey? (mummy replied)

YES, a monkey. So Zayd bring the monkey home..the monkey Zayd cooked for the monkey and give him food. nyum nyum nyum.

Suddenly.. (he even used ‘suddenly’ a word that I admit overly-used in my storied to him ehehe)

And he kept telling the story for a good few minutes by adding this and that into the storyline. And I was really amazed!

Somehow just by listening to my stories night after night he learnt how to tell stories by himself. He picked up the style, the storyline, the words I used..Masha Allah. How amazing is the ability that Allah give to us.

Zayd’s dad also loves to tell him stories. And we took turns to tell him stories and read aloud to him since he was a baby. Alhamdulillah for the ability to see him grow from being the one we tell the story to to the one who’s telling the stories now! 🙂


Happy 3rd Birthday Zayd Hamzah!


Happy 3rd Birthday my darling boy! I can’t believe you are already 3. We spent the day of your birthday at Kidzania. It was your dad’s idea. I was a bit apprehensive at first because I thought maybe Kidzania is a bit too advanced for you. But I was wrong! You had so much fun and you were so brave joining all the big kids on their activities.

I guess you really truly are no longer my baby. Please enjoy the pictures while I cry in the corner *sobsobsob


So happy you managed to ride on a fire engine.


Sitting in a fire engine with the other big kids. Looking so cute in your fire firefighter gear!


Putting out fire!


Repairing a car


Playing shopping with your own small trolley. I was really impressed that you are able to participate in this game. You have to find things on a list around the mart and then pay for it. But with the help with the wonderful assistant you managed to do it!


Recycling here. Learning how to separate plastic, tins and paper.


Queuing with the other kids before going into painting class.


Enjoying your ice cream cone.


Painting class. It was really funny here because you don’t want to listen to the briefing before and want to immediately paint. The assistant was very good in accommodating toddlers behaviour and let you paint straight away 😀


Family selfie. 🙂

All in all, it was a really fun day at Kidzania. We do not expect much going there because of your age. Our initial plan was to go there maybe 1 hour, let you ride the fire engine and went to Ikano after. 1 hour turned into 1 day when you seems to really enjoy yourself trying and participating in all the activities.

Watching you that day, doing all the activities with so much enthusiasm, I realised that you have become a very confident and self-assured 3 year old. You are not rattled by new experiences and new situations. You are quick to adapt to things. YOu made me very very proud.

May Allah protect you, guide you, and bless you always. May Allah open the path in your life to do the things that you like, the things that you are good at, and the things that is beneficial for the Ummah.

May Allah guides me in nurturing you to be the best that you can be – all for Allah’s sake. Ameen.

Uhibbukafillah my dear boy!

Be patient, mummy


Another  memorable conversation I had with Zayd that I just had to blog about!

I was having an ‘episode’ in the car, blabbing to Big Z about a few things that bothered me. Zayd was again with me. Somehow he sensed that I was agitated and turned around. So this is how our conversation went:

Mummy: It’s not you darling. I am just upset about something and sometimes when I am upset I must talk about it with your daddy.

Zayd: But it’s not nice mummy..(maybe referring to my tone of voice?)

Mummy: So what must I do?

Zayd: (touch my chin) patient Mummy..

Aaaa..major mood turnaround after that! Tears swelled up in my eyes when I realised I was just being advised by my almost-3 years old!

Who is this boy? Sometimes I swear it is as if he is far wiser beyond his years. Maybe he inherited something from his dad, but he has this ability to calm me down Masha Allah!

May Allah always guides him and protects him always. May Allah bestow upon him His light and wisdom. May Allah made my boy among the righteous ameen.


My Small Boy


#throwback because I havent’t uploded his latest pics!

After I started my PhD, It’s getting more challenging to update this blog. But now that I remembered a good story, blog about it I must!

Last weekend we were driving around and he insisted to sit on my lap (which sometimes I succumbed to I admit, but I strapped both of us yeah!). Anyway, this is our conversation:

Mummy: Zayd why do you like to sit on mummy’s lap?
Zayd: Because I am a baby!
Mummy: But Zayd, you are not a baby, you are a big boy already!
Zayd: *fiddles with my baju, sniff my ketiak* (why do children like to do that? O.O)
Mummy: Zayd, are you a big boy or a baby?
Zayd: …I am a small boy.

What? He came up with his own answer? Tiada dalam pilihan jawapan ok! I am so surprised that I immediately turn and look at my husband and asked him – did you teach him that? Which he said, he didn’t! (typical of wife to always look at husband first eheh)

But look at the ability of a 2 year old. To be able to comprehend a question, and to come up with an answer that is not in the choice, and yet still making perfect sense. In fact, much more sense because he is indeed in the in between stage.

I am so proud of my clever clever boy! May Allah protects you and guides you and bless you with all beneficial knowledge now and forever ameen! Mummy loves you muah muah muahhhh!